Friday, November 15, 2013

So, Why Are You Single?

I am pretty certain that this question is thrown at me on daily basis. Mostly from men. My usual response? "Because God is my main man right now and I'm putting all I have into my writing. I don't have time for a relationship."

Below is my thought process behind my usual response, my own personal truth.

Okay, so I truly believe that God has a plan for a future relationship that does not include any of the following:
Crying in my pillow for hours on end-without compassion from the man
Being lied to consistently
Cheating on me with booze, drugs or women
Emotional, verbal, mental or physical abuse (especially not gaslighting
Flip-floppity indecision and confusion
My partner speaking to women with hinting or blatant sexual innuendos
I want to marry you, I'm falling in love with you, you're the woman of my dreams, I love you...wait, I don't know what I want
I was too busy to call you (and it's been a whole day)
No accountability for inconsideration
Bad mouthing my family or friends
Expectation of sex before there is a promise of love

Oy vey! I've battled with a good portion of that list for too long! They just weren't right for me or we weren't right for eachother, or or or the puzzle should simply be left on the freakin' floor and I stay single! Honestly, I just recently wrote a poem to a guy who wanted to be my guy, letting him know that my heart was a bit hardened from past experiences. So, obviously, I'm not ready to step back out there yet.

Are my expectations high? I don't believe so. My standards are though, most certainly.

I used to be Miss Pollyanna of love. I believed...I trusted...I put in a lavish amount of effort based upon how I felt, how many times I heard the I love you's or other flattery and by how many thoughtful gifts I received...even before several months into the relationship. Only did I ever listen and believe from the men, "Oh, my ex had issues." I could have kicked my own butt several times for not trusting my own gut that something didn't feel right.

I've heard it been said that When You Know Better, You Do Better. Well darnit, I'm looking up and trusting that God is in charge of picking and I'm not to go into any relationship full-force with a Pollyanna veil of lust and infatuation wrapped around my brain. I want to marry my best friend who puts God first, preferably sober, highly intellectual and can make me laugh and dance until the sun rises from time to time.

So, that is my perspective on why I am still single. Plus, women are absolutely amazing and way more fun to hang with and confide in at this time in my life. And maybe, just maybe, Bradley Cooper will be single by the time my friends and I go see him perform on Broadway next summer in the play The Elephant Man. He is damn smart and sober! Ha! A girl can always dream. :)

So, passionate ladies, can you relate?

Always enjoy hearing your thoughts and stories. Just click on the ButterFlySober link below to view my profile and/or send a personal email. Thanks and have a fabulous day!


  1. I am just learning who I am and being me. I have never had a real life of my own. Always putting others first and joining their life. I simply became an offshoot of someone else because I didn't know who I was. In recovery I am learning about me and liking myself. My sponsor advised me not to date the first couple of years in this period. I didn't object. in fact have not really gotten involved in the last 6 years. I have planted and cultivated my own life as a separate individual. I like what I have done. I am comfortable.
    My dilemma lately has been that I am getting involved with someone and they are from an alcoholic family as well. He wants me to spend all of my time in his world. I would love to. I have made a good choice in a man with quality this time. However, I don't like to see him everyday. I don't want to spend every waking moment with him. I don't want to bring him to meet all of my friends. I don't want to sleep at his house. I don't want to move in with him. This is confusing to me. I think it is confusing to him too. He doesn't seem happy when I say no, I don't want to come over tonight. He doesn't like me to say I have something else to do. I don't think he understands healthy really.
    I like the world I have made for myself. I like the new me. The girl who was hiding behind others because she was insecure about herself can do great things. I cannot do great things if lose myself again living in someone elses world.
    Gonna take it slowly and stay true to Luann.
    I like to spend some time with someone else but it may just be like taking a drug and feeling excitement. More about sex and rock and roll lifestyle later.

  2. Whoohoo! So happy for you knowing what you want and what you don't. Ah, women, we are really good at caretaking and nurturing...and losing ourselves in the process. I'm so glad you have an account on here to comment! Receiving many emails...surprisingly mostly from Europe. Women rock!